The Prologue

Oct 8, 2024

It’s been quite the rollercoaster of a year so far. It’s had its fair share of good and bad moments. Usually, when I’m facing something negative, my first instinct is to look for ways to mitigate it or resolve it. This tendency can be frustrating because I struggle to focus on anything else until I devise a plan to address the situation. However, it has also helped me with a lot of things in life. I’d rather act this way than sit idle and procrastinate. I’m not saying that whatever I come up with always works out as planned; in fact, it rarely does, but it gives me a sense of satisfaction from acting on my “call to action.” It’s like a sudden boost of motivation after a period of gloom.

I feel odd saying this, but I generally feel more productive during and after phases of dejection. I’ve had quite a few of those this year, most of them concerning the same matters. While most things are manageable with this “call to action” mindset, it has an obvious flaw: it doesn’t account for things beyond one’s control. This is the part I’ve struggled with the most this year, but I’ve tried to make myself understand that sometimes you just need to embrace things as they are and learn from them. One way I’ve found to cope is by keeping myself busy or planning activities that create enough distraction in my brain to forget things that were bothering me. This blog is also a result of that.

I made this blog site in July after a slump—it took me about a week to get it up and running. Once it was done, I decided I’d try to jot down all these random thoughts I was feeling and thinking about. They weren’t even related to what I was going through—just completely random stuff I wanted to talk about with someone who had a better understanding of the topic. But every time I sat down to write, my thoughts just dissipated, leaving me completely blank. After multiple failed attempts at this, I decided that maybe it wasn’t for me. I thought to myself that I’ve never really been someone to preach about anything, and I didn’t see myself as someone who had anything worth reading about.

A few more weeks of feeling despondent, and I reached a point where I didn’t want to talk to or see anyone. I wanted to express myself, to talk—but every time I tried, I was at a loss for words, both in writing and conversation. I knew I had to change something, and finally, the “call to action” kicked in again. Earlier in the year, I went through a similar phase of dejection and considered taking time off work to travel, hoping it would help take my mind off things. When I looked into it, I found that my work had a policy allowing me to work internationally. I started looking into it, but the plan got dropped as I got distracted by other things.

This time around, I just wanted some quiet time away from family and everyone, so I thought of renting an apartment for a few months in the city. That way, I could get my act together without being questioned every day about why I looked so down. This option, as good as it was, turned out to be an expensive one. After a bit more brainstorming, I went back to my original plan from the start of the year and finally applied to work internationally. Since this was going to be my first time working internationally as well as traveling solo, I wanted to keep things somewhat familiar. I decided to pick Bali for the first four weeks and then Singapore for the final week. Planning this trip and thinking about it helped create the distraction I needed to take my mind off things. I had been to Bali and Singapore a few times before, which gave me some comfort as I had an idea of what to expect, but I wanted to do things I hadn’t done before and challenge myself in ways I usually wouldn’t.

For the next blog, I’ll be sharing my experiences in Bali and Singapore. Looking back, deciding to solo travel was one of the most important choices I made this year. It gave me a new way to release my emotions while growing and experiencing new things.